*Disclaimer: This birth story will have details about the actual birth. If that makes you uncomfortable or offends you, I suggest you do not read this post.
One month ago (now 3 and a half months as I finally edit and post this, now 6 months ago..EDIT 1 year ago) we welcomed our last baby into the family. As with all four of my children, this pregnancy was anything but relaxing. With Sofia, Tim was in the midst of his third year of optometry school and I was teaching full time and working on my Master's degree at night. We also sold our first house and moved a week before she was born. With the boys, we moved from Tennessee to Wisconsin when I was 30 weeks pregnant and moved in with my in-laws while we waited for Tim's license to become "official" and to find a house. With Baby 4, we moved into a major project house (never doing that again) while I was in the throes of the worst morning (all-day) sickness of any pregnancy. We moved into the house when there was literally no flooring. We had ripped out the carpet to put in hardwood floors but the project took longer than anticipated because we had to replace all of the subfloor. The previous subfloor was only suitable for carpet, not hardwood. As I type, I'm sitting in the room that I pounded planks of maple flooring into while pregnant, we chose a beautiful wide planked maple floor and it really helped to update the house. But we mostly like to get rid of carpet for allergies/cleanliness.
Our goal was to finish major projects before baby arrived, and I would say that goal was mostly attained. We still have to do the kitchen and redo trim on the main level but overall the house is much more comfortable and pleasant to live in than when we first bought it. This pregnancy was also different because we chose to keep the gender a surprise. Tim and I really enjoyed the thrill of the surprise, but I think we drove our extended family crazy.
I should have known this birth was going to be different because the pregnancy was so different. From the very start (probably 3-4 weeks gestation) I knew something was off with my body when I was at one of Sofia's soccer games and I left the game doubled over in pain. That was actually the day after my 30th birthday. Tim and I were supposed to spend the day biking to New Glarus to spend an afternoon at the brewery and then head up to Eau Claire for my nephew's baby dedication. Based on my pain and the bad weather, we skipped the birthday outing and drove straight to Eau Claire. The weekend was a bit rough for me because I was feeling nauseous and was cramping the entire time, I figured I was about to have a really rough period or something. The next weekend we were scheduled to drive to Florida for a week at the beach with two other families and their kids. The day before we left I went to the grocery store to get Wisconsin goodies to share with our Southern friends (cheese curds, local beer and wine). That afternoon I thought it was strange I hadn't started my period yet so I took a pregnancy test. I took it and promptly forgot about it for 3 hours as I went into my crazy packing and cleaning mode before our bedtime departure for Florida. When I went to the bathroom later to pack I noticed the pregnancy test still sitting on the vanity and I didn't think much of it because I fully expected it to be negative. Within seconds my eyes really zoomed in and noticed the double line! I couldn't believe it. I was beyond thrilled and I couldn't wait to share the news with Tim. I didn't want to tell him over the phone so I had to wait for him to come home from work. Before Tim came home his brother and their family came, as well as Tim's parents who were sharing the condo with us while we both waited to close on our respective homes. So I couldn't have the big run and jump in your arms moment. But I was able to pry Tim into a secret spot when he came home and share the exciting news. We were both so excited but we've always been ones to wait before sharing such big news. We finished our packing and had 20 exciting hours of driving to talk and dream about the little one that would be joining our family. We were also extremely curious about whether or not we were having twins or more again. We also shared our pregnancy news with friends much earlier than we normally would.
The summer went by quickly with another big trip out west with Tim's family. The trip was amazing, we spent time in Colorado and Utah but poor Tim had to drive the entire time because I was still feeling sick. Thankfully we flew to Denver but from Denver we still had a ton of driving to do throughout the trip. After the trip we returned to our "home" that was basically total chaos of projects and unpacked boxes. Again, I will never take on another project house. This is our third one and the projects become much more difficult with more kids around.
Fast forward and the second trimester of the pregnancy was enjoyable and it finally felt like our family was getting settled and into a bit of a routine. The third trimester was rough, but honestly I never enjoyed the third trimester in any of my pregnancies. Around 35 weeks Tim and I hosted over 22 people at our house for Thanksgiving and a day full of cooking brought on swollen ankles and Braxton Hicks contractions so we thought the baby may arrive early. The twins arrived at 35 weeks. Thankfully the baby stayed put through a couple more weeks and through Christmas. When I went to the doctor for my 39 week appointment I was only dilated to 2/3 with irregular Braxton Hicks contractions. My sister arrived that week to help me with the school drop offs/pick ups. I was SO thankful for her company and help. On Tuesday of that week my sister and I were running errands with the kids and I started to feel extremely uncomfortable and nauseous. She was amazing and took over the lunch time and nap time duties so I could rest. Later that day I noticed blood when I went to the bathroom and that's a big "red flag" phrase with pregnancy so I was ordered to go to the hospital immediately. I was annoyed because I knew it was early labor and there was no way I was going to be admitted, but I guess it's better to be safe than sorry. I was checked over and everything seemed safe and my contractions were starting to come at a more regular pace but they said I could go home. That night the contractions grew in strength and frequency. I spent the night grading and working on paperwork and emails for work so I could hopefully leave things at home without worrying about getting behind. I teach part time online and part time work does not allow for maternity leave and we have very strict deadlines when it comes to grading and feedback. Anyways, I tried to sleep and rest as much as I could. Around 1:30am the contractions turned and were becoming much more uncomfortable. I thought that was odd because it was still so early, turns out it was lovely back labor and a sunny side up/twisting and turning baby! We decided to go to the hospital around 2am and we had a horrible experience with a resident doctor. He checked my progress (and after checking was counting and recounting his hand before he finally said, "Uh, I think you're a 3".) and we were sent home around 4:30am. Tim decided to go to work and thankfully Tim's mom took the kids to preschool while I tried to rest. The contractions were uncomfortable but I was mostly just exhausted from not sleeping all night. The contractions started to increase in pain a bit and I noticed more fluid when I went to the bathroom. With the boys I had a sudden gush when my water broke so I was waiting for that. Tim's Mom came to check on me and after a quick check in phone call my doctor sent me back to the hospital. Thankfully I didn't have to drive myself this time because the contractions were much stronger. Tim met me at the hospital and a nurse tested my fluid and determined that my water had been broken the entire time I was at the hospital hours earlier. But this time I was admitted.
We lucked out and had an amazing nurse in our labor and delivery room. I also had the support of a life long friend of mine who I invited to come and take pictures and help support Tim. I progressed well and by 3:30/4 in the afternoon I was at 10 centimeters and ready to push. I'll be honest, I was so excited to be at 10cm and pushing in the afternoon because with Sofia I wasn't able to eat for about 48 hours because of the timing of things, so I was hoping I could earn myself a big dinner. After an hour of pushing things just didn't feel at all like they did with Sofia. I pushed for about an hour with her and she was my first baby. I really thought things were going to go quicker with this baby. I should mention that throughout the entire labor I was still convinced the baby was a girl. After hour 2 of pushing the doctor on call said I wasn't making enough progress and I should consider a cesarean. I was confused because my nurse said I was making great progress and Tim and my friend were getting glimpses of baby's head with every push. I am stubborn and fully expected that I was going to have a successful VBAC so I thanked the doctor but insisted I could work harder and try to get the baby out. I felt like I was so close I didn't want to give up. The doctor respected my stubborn wishes and let me push for two more hours. Finally after four hours a different doctor was on call and said we needed to pull the plug on pushing and deliver the baby. Baby's heart rate was starting to become more irregular, I was utterly exhausted and puking, and although we could see a head, baby just wasn't coming out. I felt like a complete failure and totally defeated. I was exhausted, sad, and just not at all prepared for a c-section. I felt like I had let this baby down and was not going to get the birth experience I wanted. I also immediately was worried about how I would recover from this "almost birth experience" plus a c-section while caring for my big three kids. But, I was also SO SO ready to meet my baby. I pushed out all of the negative thoughts and focused on what was to come. I had a c-section with my twin boys so I felt like I knew what to expect. I shared my wishes of having baby placed on my chest. And wow, I am so impressed with the staff at our hospital because they went above and beyond to make things happen for us. As I was being wheeled away I got a lot of looks of pity, "There goes the one that's been pushing for four hours...". I remember I was absolutely freezing cold and my teeth were chattering. The nurses brought me lots of warm blankets and I settled in for the surgery. It's such a strange sensation to be awake for such a major surgery. Tim was incredibly sweet and I remember him steadily stroking my hair in the same pattern, it was such a small act but so calming and helpful. I was expecting to wait about 20 minutes to meet my baby. But thirty minutes in there was still nothing. I finally asked why things were taking so long. The doctor said once they opened me up they immediately discovered why baby was stuck and didn't come after 4 hours of pushing. After my c-section with the boys, lots of scar tissue had formed. Scar tissue had also formed in such a way that my bladder was adhered to my uterus and with the contractions and baby's movements, the baby was twisted and stuck. So she wanted to safely clean out the scar tissue and that was going to take some time. They actually had to inflate my bladder with another liquid because she wanted to make sure that she didn't cut my bladder (thank you). So it turned out to be over an hour of surgery before I finally met my baby. When the baby was delivered I heard a reassuring cry before they whisked baby away for a quick assessment. Tim told me it was a boy, I was completely surprised and completely focused on getting that baby on my chest. Baby was un-named at that point, but within minutes he was brought back to me and placed on my upper chest and neck area. It was an absolutely amazing moment. As soon as he was on my chest all of my vital signs stabilized and the two of us made eye contact and I felt that rush of love that only happens a couple of times in life. I remember the feel of his soft skin and his beautiful eyes locked on mine and the sweet sounds he made. He also started rooting on my cheeks and chin. I was able to keep him on me the entire time I was being "closed up". Since it was such an ordeal I thought Tim might let me have my first choice of names but he felt very certain that this little boy was to be named August. So on January 7, 2015 August John Ruder entered the world and our family weighing in at 8lbs 4 oz and 21 inches long. When we were in the recovery room I was able to try to nurse him and to my surprise I didn't even have to try. He found his way to the breast and immediately latched and stayed there for an hour before we were moved to our actual recovery room. It was close to midnight by the time we reached the room so the big kids had to wait until the next morning to come and meet their new baby brother.
Gus started as a great nurser and continued on to this day. The rest of the recovery was rough. It was my second c-section, but completely unplanned because we thought I was going to have a successful VBAC (the best laid plans...hahaha). I was avoiding a cesarean because I knew I had 3 other kids at home to take care of and drive around and I knew Tim would only have 1 week off. A few days into recovery my incision opened up which made things even more complicated. But sitting here one year later, I am grateful for my current health. I definitely still have weight to lost and I am working on building back my core strength. Gus was born with a very determined personality. For the first six weeks he only slept if he was in the Boba wrap, or being held, or lying on my chest. And he nursed every 45 minutes to hour and a half. When you're in that phase, it's incredibly challenging, but as I write today I know I am so grateful for all of the time I spent snuggling that baby and cuddled up with all of his big siblings.
The big kids fell completely in love with Gus upon meeting him. Their first reaction was to ask his name, and then they suggested the name Jackson. We still aren't sure where that came from but we had already decided on the name August John. The other close contenders for first names included Gabriel, Finnegan, Wesley, and Theodore. Gus definitely fits his name, we call him Gus the majority of the time, but we love his full name. And now we are getting ready to celebrate our beautiful baby boy's first birthday!
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